Here I am thinking about my life...

Well here I lay in my bed listening to the new song I just put on my profile Satellite Heart from the soundtrack of New Moon. It makes me just think about life and the book and all the emotions that book has put me though. I had such a deep connection to that book all through New Moon until Bella goes back to Edward I was actually depressed. That is sad I know haha but it just makes me think.

Here I am thinking about my life and were I am going to be in 5 years. So fucking much has changed in just one year since I graduated I got kicked out of my Mothers and ended up with my Dad. It was even more unhealthy to live there so I managed to get the money and hours to move into this room I rent from my best friend Jacob and his brother Jeremy and some other roommate LOL I will keep my oppinion to myself about that but living here is so great I am so happy to have have such amazing people in my life it is so odd how every little thing in life happens for a reason I would not have anything I have now if it was not for the steps I took in my past. I can say so far I have done very well.

The only thing that makes me upset is the though of the future I do not want to be the 30 year old guy or a single parent and has still not found the right companion to spend my life with. I want children by 30 at least and I will do it by myself if I have to but I do not want to be that person : /. I know in my heart there is that right person out there I just do not like not knowing I though so much was going to happen in the past I though so much would have worked out and it all went off a cliff I had my life planned, set in motion, already having things that were ours but life is full of surprises. I believe I am a great person and I look at myself and anyone would be so lucky to be with me. I know that sounds conceded but I am far from I am just sure of who I am inside. I am so dedicated to when I am in a relationship I give them my all I know things change and people change and that is the way of life but I am mentally older for my age I believe I am a middle ages soul so I want my life to have started at such a young age.

Why are there so many shitty people out there? Why is everything about sex to the community? Why do so many people have commitment issues and I hear of relationships that would consider a 3 sum and such, you need to get out of that relationship now you can do so much better you are probably a great person inside don't sell yourself short. Then there are relationships that have a cheater in them I personally find it all appalling it makes me sick to my stomach to consider sharing a person I gave myself to. I am old fashion when it comes to that. I was talking to my friend about this the other day about how I am when it comes to intimacy. I am a little off then it comes to it because of things I have experienced in my past, some things cannot be done nor said or I will have a panic attack. Intimacy is a huge deal to me and when I give myself to someone it means that I would trust, care, and feel at the most comfort with them.

I am not like your average person out there, I am not one to hook-up or have a friend with benefits. I am Cody Michael Perry, I am a bit off, different and sometimes difficult to understand but my closest friends understand me so I suppose there is hope out there for me. If you took your time to read this thank you for taking the time to understand me a little more. Take Care :)

"only exists in my memory"

So...I have come to realize I get really aggravated at night time cuz I think to much and its like UGH. I start missing old times that are over now and start wishing things were back to the old days tho the future is better and healthier (not talkin about ex) its just like even friends I dont talk to the same ones anymore really its just odd how you can share so many moments/memories/laughs with someone and its all over in the blink of an eye. I understand that is how life works. Even if its as simple as walking down the street and someone says "HI" and gives you a smile they have made there mark in your life. Its not noticeable but every contact you make with someone is a part of your life even for that moment and that is how some friendships become just a month friend, year friend, or even longer for some. You grow up, move apart, and see things in a different state of mind for those who actually grow up and live life and learn from experience. When I see my younger friend or even a sibling go though something I remember when I went through it. I will simply give them advice but if they take it (and they never do) they learn and that is what life is all about Learn Learn Learn you will be on your dieing bed and you will still learn its an amazing thing to think about. I just wanted to write this blog because I got a little upset about thinking about the past and amazing things I wish i could watch over on a projector and save it for when I am older but no they "only exist in my memory" (<--lmao TITANIC awe sad moment) but that is were it will be till it is just something I forget or is stored till something triggers it. This is getting kind of upsetting to think about so I am going to end this. Goodnight.

A NIGHT OUT!

Steven on the Left, Jacob(besti) in the Middle then ME on the Right at Club Oasis to watch stevens friend do drag, She should have one!
Jacob Gold and I were lezbian lovers